The Oil Fields Fade In the Distance: My Winter Break

So much can happen in one month, one break. My emotions have been on a constant roller coaster. Love, Pain, Joy, Sadness, Rejection, Reconciliation, Heartbreak. I cant say I have enjoyed my break but Christmas was the best Christmas in years. I feel I have a better grasp of who I am and I'm glad for that. I learned that if someone wanted to hurt me I'm an easy target. I give up my secrets easily, I don't ever think I'm good enough. Yet I have found Christ and in him I know I can be a broken sinner and can be a servant to God. The battle against smoking is a long and hard one. Its hard because my love of smoking is equal or greater then the desire to quit. Its hard to explain this to nonsmokers or even the some smokers. To me the smoke has been a way to break free from stress, a method of prayer even. I at times will walk around outside with my pipe freeing my mind to God and enjoying his creation. So giving it up is giving up positives and negatives. This break has seen evenings filled with laughter, tears, heart break, cigarettes and booze. I don't think I would change a thing. I have learned a lot, hurt a lot. I'm glad its all most over.